


Black Out Days

by CrownedQueen_Avi



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Doesn't involve TLJ or the weird Reylo subplot, F/M, Force-Sensitive Reader, Lovers, Poor Kylo, Sad, TFA spoilers, bc they trained under Luke together, but that's it, except that is barely mentioned, i guess, i suck at tags and summaries, post-TFA, pre-TLJ
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:37:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrownedQueen_Avi/pseuds/CrownedQueen_Avi
Summary: He'd known her for years. From before Kylo and the Knights of Ren. She followed him from the Jedi Temple, from when he slaughtered their fellow students. She never once questioned him. And for that she was his everything; his Sun, his moon, his stars, his sky... She was his life force. But she was also a distraction.





	Black Out Days

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Black Out Days  
> Artist: Phantogram  
> Album: Voices
> 
> You should give it a listen, it inspired this fic. Also sorry for the sucky summary. I've never written a sadshot and felt urged to write this instead of doing what I needed to do.

Black Out Days

Kylo Ren x Reader

* * *

 

He'd known her for years. From before Kylo and the Knights of Ren. She followed him from the Jedi Temple, from when he slaughtered their fellow students. She never once questioned him. And for that she was his everything; his Sun, his moon, his stars, his sky... She was his life force. But she was also a distraction - according to Supreme Leader Snoke.

 

_Hide the Sun_

_I will leave your face out of my mind._

_You should save your eyes_

_A thousand voices shouting in your head._

 

After the ridding of his worthless father, Han Solo, Kylo thought the conflict within him would finally settle, that he had finally let the past die. Hux would bring up his inner turmoil during meetings with Snoke, blaming the Light inside of him on _____.

God..._____. The most beautiful thing that had ever existed in his eyes. But she was from the days of the Light, the days before the Dark had taken over.

"She's your past, your Light. You cannot thrive in the Dark Side if you're being held back by a distraction such as she," Snoke had spat at him just hours before. "You have to focus on destroying the Resistance's Force user before she becomes too strong. You are supposed to be the Jedi Killer for Stars' sake! Yet you can't even beat a puny little rebel!"

 

_Speak in tongues_

_I don't even recognize your face._

_Mirror on the wall_

_Tell me all the ways to stay away._

 

Kylo returned to his and _____'s shared quarters that night, thoughts more conflicted than ever. The doors split open with a hissing sound and immediately Kylo heard the soft pitter patter of his lover running towards him. She smiled up at him and reached to remove his helmet when he stopped her.

With a questioning look, _____ asked him "what's wrong? Did the General say something to upset you again?"

After no response from her love, she sighed and kissed the side of the mask. "You can leave it in for as long as you want, but it might be a bit distracting during dinner, especially if you plan on eating," _____ giggled to herself.

 

_I'm hearing voices all the time up in my mind._

_I'm hearing voices and they're hurting my mind._

 

'A distraction,' Kylo thought to himself that night as they lay in their shared bed. _____ was snuggled up against his side while he looked off into space. When she was ready to bid him goodnight he did not answer.

 

_Dig a hole_

_Fireworks exploding in my hands._

_If I could paint the sky_

_would all the stars shine a bloody red?_

 

He hovered above her peaceful form as she slept. He fought the tears threatening to spill over as he reached for her neck. With a start _____ woke, reaching for the hands around her airway. "K-Kylo," she gasped, her eyes pleading for him to let go.

"Shut up!" Kylo shouted. "I have to kill the past. That's the only way I can become what I was meant to be.." he whispered.

Her eyes were sad, but not frightened; never frightened - not even when he was pulling the life from her. "Why now?" She choked out. "What happened to the loving man I fell in love with all those years ago?"

Kylo let up on her neck in reaction, allowing her to gulp in as much air as possible before he realized what she was doing and pushed back down on her, cutting off all breath. "I love you..I always will...but I don't recognize you anymore..."

He watched as the light left her eyes, simultaneously leaving his as well. Kylo sat there, hands around her limp neck as he watched the tears dry on her face but continuing to fall on his own. He had done it. He had done what Snoke had asked, yet...why did it feel like such a mistake?

 

_Black out days._

_I don't recognize you anymore._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry
> 
> any mistakes let me know


End file.
